Monday, September 17, 2012

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

(or, an open letter to the wider Church from the little congregation formerly known as Eikon)

Dear Church, 

It’s not you, it’s us. When a relationship ends, even if it’s amicable, even if we had time to prepare, even if we split with the understanding that we would see other people… it still hurts. 

There is still pain. 

There are still broken hearts. 

There is still a need for healing and space. 

I’m a pretty practical person, so I have been checking off the boxes on our list for several weeks now. But yesterday… yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can not begin to put into words what Ryan and Christen and John and everyone in the Eikon family have spoken into my life and ministry - as a community, they revived my calling. Everything is changing. I’m not sure I can do this again. How am I going to makes sure everyone else can do this? Do we really have what it takes to live resurrection in the face this death? 

A friend who knows me well, knows that change is the constant in my life, commented that I’m a pro at new beginnings. I wish that weren’t so. I wouldn’t mind a bit of stability, if I’m being quite honest. 

Anxious thoughts aside, I know that we have it in us. In fact we have so much power to try, try again that we found each other in the first place. There were no superstars in the community that was Eikon (well, we all thought Ryan was pretty super… but don’t tell him that, it’ll just go to his head) – there were a bunch of weird, misfit, wandering souls that converged on community and said: let’s do this. And we gave it our all, as much as we could, for as long as we could. Someone without the fire of resurrection burning in their souls wouldn’t have dared what we did together. There was nothing fancy about Eikon, and we liked it that way. 

We all have the strength within us to start again, to make ourselves vulnerable to a new community, to pour our wine into new wineskins so that we can pour it out to others. 

But don’t rush us. 

Breaking up is hard. When a relationship ends, even if it’s amicable, even if we had time to prepare, even if we split with the understanding that we would see other people… it still hurts. 

Even when we talk together about the other communities out there, it’s awkward. As Sarah said… or maybe it was Don… it’s kinda creepy, like your ex is trying to fix you up with someone new, and may even be interested in tagging along for the date. 

There are some great communities out there. We know this. Some of them we had a previous relationship with, and it was good, and it could be again. Some of them we have secretly harbored an attraction to for some time. But none of that matters, you see – because none of them are Eikon. 

We were very clear with one another – there is no timeline.  

Some will need to plug into a new community as soon as possible, to restore a rhythm to their life. 

Some will take time to explore various communities, to really get a feel for where their gifts best fit. 

Some will require space and time to recuperate before they can even consider visiting a new place. 

Some may feel a bit lost, and choose to wander for a while. 

We appreciate your concern, and your invitations, and your hospitality. It’s not you, it’s us. Breaking up is hard, and we will have to find our own coping mechanisms. We will probably be spending quite a bit of time together during this transition, processing the reality of the situation.  

Be patient with our tender hearts and our wandering souls.  

We’re all moving forward at our own pace. 

Well, ok, we may stand still for a while. 

But we all WILL move forward. 

And what an adventure it will be. 

Kimberly, Co-Pastor

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